


'Hope' Is just a sweeter word for 'Lie'

by Malamander



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Because Lance is feeling a lot okay?, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I think it's angsty anyway, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron)-centric, Multi, Other characters only briefly mentioned, Pining Lance (Voltron), Quite a few italics, Rated T for angst, Uhappy Allura/Lance Voltron, only briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25222399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malamander/pseuds/Malamander
Summary: He had known in the back of his mind it was foolish to hope for so much, but that never stopped him from hoping, from thinkingmaybe.Maybe wishing on a star every nightwouldmake his dreams come true, maybe hoping and dreaming andwantingwould be enough.He should have known better than to trust his hopes.
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Allura/Lance (Voltron), Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	'Hope' Is just a sweeter word for 'Lie'

Lance always had big dreams for himself. He would always hope for something amazing to happen to him in his future, something magical.

Every thought he spared to think about his future, he saw something bright and colourful. Something fulfilling in which he could be special, in which he could be fantastic. 

He loved to think about his future, what he would look like, what he would be, who he would have as friends, who he would be married to. He was so imaginative in these things that he had created his own perfect world, his own perfect future. 

He had known in the back of his mind it was foolish to hope for so much, but that never stopped him from hoping, from thinking _maybe. ___

____

Maybe wishing on a star every night _would _make his dreams come true, maybe hoping and dreaming and _wanting _would be enough.____

_______ _ _ _

He thought that maybe if he tried, if he wished, if he hoped, the pieces would all fall in to place for him. He thought that maybe, he had a future, the one that he had wanted so desperately. The one that he had always hoped for.

______ _ _

He should have known better than to trust his hopes.

______ _ _

______ _ _

****

______ _ _

______ _ _

He had made it as a fighter class pilot by the skin of his teeth. It was what he had hoped for, to be a fighter pilot, with a crew and a ship and a shiny new uniform, and he had gotten it. But it was only because the person ahead of him had been kicked out. He had only achieved it because they couldn’t have someone better.

______ _ _

He tried to reason that he was a gifted pilot, that he deserved to be there, at the helm. He tried to reason he had _earned _it. Even if it had been by some luck gifted to him by the universe, he still _made it _. He still got there by his skill, by himself.____

_________ _ _ _ _ _

But he knew it was only luck that got him there, everyone around him knew it too. He had gotten there by a default. Even though he was chosen, it was still in second place; he was still the second choice.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

He knew that his hoping and wishing couldn’t change it, the fact he was still not the best. But he thought that maybe he had gotten his position by his wishing and his hoping. Maybe he was right, maybe he could do it, get the future he had wanted. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

He should have known better. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _

****

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _

When he had found the blue lion along with his new friends, he thought he saw his chance, his chance to finally prove that he had something amazing inside of him. That he could be special. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

That he was worth being the first choice. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

And he believed it, more than he ever had before, when the Blue Lion had opened up for _him _. Had chosen _him _to be her paladin.____

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She could have chosen any of them, any of the amazing and skilled people who had been standing beside him. They were all a good choice, all of them intelligent and brave and talented. Any one of them would have been a fantastic paladin for her.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But she didn’t choose them. She choose Lance. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It made him feel special in ways nothing had before. He felt needed, for the universe and for his team. This was the kind of magical he had always dreamed of, had always hoped for. And he had gotten it, this time as the first choice, he was Blue’s first choice, and he loved it. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He was elated to be a part of something like Voltron, he was finally feeling like the piece were falling into place. He had a team, a _family _to fight with and laugh with and fly with. He finally felt like he had earned his place somewhere. He felt like all of his dreams had come true.__

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But he should have known better, than to trust his hopes.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It didn’t take him long to realize how wrong he had been. How much _less _he was, standing next to his teammates, his friends.__

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sure, he was skilled pilot, but despite what he said, he would never be the _best _.__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He could fight relatively well, hold his ground in battle. But he was not the best.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He could strategize, he could be diplomatic, he could be friendly, he could be helpful. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But he could never be the best, he could never be number one. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He tried to stop himself from being jealous, because he was truly happy for all of his friends, how much they always succeeded. He _was _happy for them.  
__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__But it still hurt._ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It hurt because no matter how hard he tried he was always a step behind everyone around him. Pidge was smarter, Hunk was kinder, Shiro was braver, Allura was prettier, Coran was funnier.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And Keith, 

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He was everything people wanted Lance to be. Everything _Lance _had wanted to be.__

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Keith was always better. 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Every victory to his friends was another loss he had to endure, another time he couldn’t come first place. He knew it was horrible to be so upset when he couldn’t be better than them, and he knew people would judge him for it, be brought down by his sour attitude towards loosing. So he had learned to smile and to deal with it, and people stopped being brought down. 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He had learned not to be a sore loser.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

****

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Blue had blocked him out that day, the doubtful thoughts running like molasses through his mind had hardened to concrete. 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She was the one thing he could always go back to, when he was having doubts. The one thing he could be proud of himself for. She had chosen him first; she had made his hopes possible, made him feel worthwhile. 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He should have expected to be her second choice as well.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Because of _course _he had to be, he was always, _always _second choice, second best. It was almost the only thing that was constant in his life, being second best.  
He wasn’t even sour about it anymore; he was just disappointed in himself. It wasn’t his friends fault that they were amazing people, it wasn’t the universes fault Lance just couldn’t keep up. ____

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It wasn’t about how much better they were than him, it was about how much Lance sucked in comparison. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It stung knowing that Blue had only let him pilot her because Allura wasn’t available, because Black couldn’t quite have Keith yet.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It felt like a slap in the face, when she accepted Allura. Like a giant tick being drawn in his mind to all of his worries. A giant cross to all of his hopes. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He felt somewhat saved when Red accepted him as her new paladin, he hoped that it was what was meant to happen all along, he hoped that maybe he still had a chance to fit neatly into the team, to be a first choice. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He. Should. Have. Known. Better. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Being in Red felt wonderful, he loved her presence in his mind, and he loved flying her. But he was still only in Keith’s shadow. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Keith was moved to Black, to be the leader. Allura was moved to pilot Blue, as he true paladin. Lance was only moved to accommodate. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

No matter how much Lance loved her, Red wasn’t his lion. She was Keith’s lion who let Lance pilot her when he could not.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Blue wasn’t Lance’s either. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Blue was Allura’s, she just had to use Lance as a means to get to her. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And that hurt him in ways he didn’t know possible.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He wasn’t really a paladin if he didn’t have a lion of his own. He was just a good fill-in for somebody better when there was no other choice. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Knowing that, his hopes suddenly felt like lies. Him getting something magical suddenly felt like pretend. He had not one single skill in which he surpassed the others, not one single _thing _that made him special to the team.__

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And he hated it. He hated himself.

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He hated himself for not being able to do it, for always being last.

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He could barely even bring himself to try anymore, because he knew it was pointless. He knew that no matter how long he practiced, how much he _hoped _, he could never be any better.__

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

****

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He wasn’t Allura’s first choice, he was a rebound for her and he knew it. He knew that she was still in love with Lotor, that she was hurt from his betrayal. But she had said yes to him anyway, because she thought maybe he could make her feel better. Maybe he could be her fill in.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knew it the whole time, and it hurt. It hurt because she didn’t love him, because he was her second choice. But he wanted to make her happy, he hoped he could make her happy. The least he could do was try.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He supposed for once, it was something that could distract him too. That him being even a choice at all would make him feel better than not. 

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Then at least he wouldn’t have to deal with Keith.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He hated everything about Keith. He hated how talented he was, how much he had grown as a person, and as a leader. He hated his hair and his face and his voice. He hated how he was actually being _kind _to Lance, how he would consider them friends.__

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He hated how Keith was always the bar for Lance’s skills.

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But the thing he hated most,

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He _hated _how much he wished that Keith would look at him and see someone who was a worthy paladin, who was brave, who was kind, who was good enough.  
__

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__He hated how much he hoped Keith would look at him and see someone worth loving._ _

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

See someone who he did love.

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But this time, he knew better than to hope. 

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He had learnt now that he couldn’t trust his hopes, that they were only lies he convinced himself to believe.

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He had learnt he would never be anyone’s first choice; he would never really be good enough.

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His brain had learnt these things, but his heart,

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His heart would never learn to stop hoping, and dreaming, and loving.

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And he still wished he could believe the lies that Red was where he was supposed to be, that he was Voltron’s sharpshooter. That Keith’s small, comforting smiles _meant _something.__

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knew that hoping meant there was a belief that these wishes would come true, and that wanting was different. Wanting was the longing for something unobtainable, something impossible, which was what his hopes had become.

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

So though in his brain, he knew better than to hope. 

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

In his heart, he could never really stop wanting.

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**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Haha what? Anyway, 
> 
> I was trying to address a lot of the things the show sorta glanced over for Lance, and I really do love Lance, so here we are?
> 
> Please let me know if this made you feel some sort of emotion, it would be greatly appreciated :)


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